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Tumble, Slide, Screech, Splat
Well, you knew it was going to happen, didn’t you? Zoe was going to have to have her turn on the staircase, wasn’t she? It’s not that we are cavalier about watching them or that we haven’t maximized safety in our home. It’s just that child-proofing is more of a delay tactic than safety insurance. And so this week, as I was trying to help Eva go potty, meaning both girls were with me in the bathroom (which does not have any barriers between it and the stairs) I realized one child was missing. It was the thump-thump-thump-squeal that told me where Zoe had gone.
As I rounded the corner between the bathroom and the staircase I saw the poor kid upside down sliding backwards down our wooden staircase, heading straight for the stone flooring. The same staircase that Eva took a flying leap down last summer. Only this time, instead of forcefully bouncing down the stairs, in a scene that I never want to see again in my life, I saw Zoe just staring up wide-eyed, completely confused as to what was happening. And not at all pleased with the situation.
I started yelling, “Stop moving! Stop moving!” In her sad little toddler attempt to halt her slide down 15 steps, she was actually making things worse, banging her little head against the wood and the wall. I finally got to her as she approached step #12, grabbing first one ankle, then an arm.
She just looked at me in shock. I picked her up and started searching for blood or other obvious injuries and she began crying, “Okay, Okay.” Clearly she was okay. No loss of consciousness, moving all limbs, nothing bleeding, nothing tender to touch with the exception of a big red mark down the middle of her back where she had slid against the wood.
Honestly I don’t think my heart can survive one more of these.
After I got both of us calmed down we had a little chat. “Now this is why Mommy always says ‘be careful’ on the stairs. And why we don’t jump or play on them. We go down on our bottoms, right?” I was hoping she would understand and start giving the staircases a little more of the respect they deserve.
I don’t think the message came across exactly right though. Because for the last two days she has continued to try and hop down the stairs like a maniacal bunny while holding my hand.
And every time I mention going to the potty, she reminds me that, “Zoe fell down stair,” and shows me the bruise on her back. Clearly any future attempts to go tinkle in the potty will result in bodily harm, goes the logic of an almost 2 year-old. Hmmm. I’ll let you know how it goes.
Happy Holidays!
Just a quick note to wish all of you a very happy and healthy holiday season. I had to do some research on holiday injuries and other horrors and thought I’d share a few tips with you.
Firstly, poinsettias aren’t as poisonous as it’s rumored. A 50lb child would have to eat about 500 leaves to reach a toxic level. The most dangerous poison in your home at the holidays is alcohol, so just do me a favor and pick up all the cups after the party tonight.
As for raw cookie dough, the chance of getting salmonella poisoning from raw eggs is probably less than than of getting it from your pet turtle.
And for a bit of cocktail conversation, here you go: nutmeg can actually cause vomiting, diarrhea and confusion when consumed in large quantities.
Which just goes to show, it’s all about moderation.
Happy Holidays!
The Bully Strikes Again
Well, National Influenza Week is finally over! I’m having some serious post-holiday depression. You look forward to something for an entire year and then, whoosh, it’s over and done with in a flash. Wow, I can’t believe it’s already over. I hope all of you had a wonderful time. I certainly did. However, I was reminded this week that not everyone is excited about the flu vaccine as I am. See over here in the UK, we don’t have all the choices we do in America, like the Flumist nasal spray or the new intradermal (right into the skin!!) option. No, all we have is the plain old shot. Which I don’t think is that bad but I guess not everyone agrees.
“I don’t like shots,” said my babysitter. “And I never, I mean never, get sick.”
“Well, you’ve also never worked for a lady who brings home disgusting germs after getting snotted on all day. And Eva and Zoe, well, when are their noses not running?”
Do you get that I had to do some convincing? Unfortunately, the fact that I work in a hospital, surrounded by the sickest of the sick wasn’t quite enough for her. So I pulled out the big cards.
“And, by the way, I’ve gone public speaking about the flu shot. As in I’ve been invited to join conference calls with people like Dr. William Shaffner , chief of preventative medicine at Vanderbilt University. And on that call was Jennifer Lastinger, a mother who’d lost her 3 ½ year old totally healthy child to influenza. This is not a cold. It’s serious stuff.
I could see her beginning to crack. And then I went for the kill.
“And, by the way, if it were to come out that my own babysitter dropped dead from the flu, after all my talk about making sure my children are well-protected, well that would destroy my reputation and derail my career. Which means I wouldn’t need you to babysit.”
And that did it. She’s now vaccinated. Sometimes you’ve just got to hit ‘em where it hurts.
I’m a Bully. Yes I am.
You all know that the entire family living here at Dr. Zibners’ house has had their flu shots, right? Now that that’s done, I’ve began bullying anyone who comes near us, from neighbors to friends to babysitters to get their shots. Our “Uncle Frank” who is a very close friend and frequent visitor protested, claiming “I’ve only had that shot once in my life and I’ve always been fine!” To which I answered, “Yes you dope, that was when Eva was a 3 week-old and I personally dragged your behind to Walgreens, along with her father, and pushed you into that chair, standing over you until the needle was out and the Band-aid was on.
See, I’m a flu shot bully.
Most recently I worked on our babysitter who “never gets sick.” I just pointed out that she’s also never worked for a family where the mother goes into a hospital and purposely touches germy children, bringing home bits of virus and spreading them all over the front door, the banister and the kitchen counter. She caved.
It’s the germy children who do it to us, you know. Actually that’s the truth. Turns out that little kids with influenza shed more virus than adults and are contagious for longer than adults. That makes them the worst of the worst when it comes to influenza transmission. I learned that little diddy last night when I was invited to participate in a Flu Conference Call in anticipation of National Influenza Week, which starts next week.
Yes, there is actually a National Influenza Week. Who knew? Okay, so it’s not as big a celebration at our house as National Adoption Month, but it’s still worth bringing up.
Anyway, I learned lots. And I’ll be sharing some more little bits with you next week, because this flu bully has to stretch the fight out. But let’s just start here:
1. Children touch, lick, kiss and snot on every surface within reach and therefore are some of the germiest critters on the planet.
2. When it comes to influenza, they shed more virus (meaning they spread more viral particles) and shed for longer (meaning they are contagious for more days) than adults. This means when it comes to influenza, they are practically criminal in their behavior.
3. Influenza peaks in the US in February and March. Which means it’s not to late to get your shots.
Now excuse me, I’m going to see if there is anyone else I can get into a headlock and jam a needle into.
Gobble Gobble!
Happy Turkey Day!
Just wanted to wish everyone a happy and safe Thanksgiving. May this holiday be filled with happiness, family and friends. May your football team score big and your turkey not be dry.
Over at our house, we’ll be hosting a dinner for some Americans, a Canadian, a few Englishmen, a New Zealander, a couple of Germans and of course one Indian. Sorry, kids, that’s Indian. Not Native American. But it’s still going to be a good mix of natives and foreigners, all stuffing their faces and bonding over life in another land, living in another culture.
Which reminds us a lot of the first Thanksgiving, doesn’t it? When the Pilgrims sat down to give thanks to the first Americans for helping them survive a harsh winter. Of course, the difference at my house is that I won’t then be giving my guests deadly cases of smallpox.
Because we got rid of that back in 1979. Before then 80% of infected children died. A the end of the 18th Century, around 400,000 Europeans died every year from the disease. It was responsible for a third of all cases of blindness. All in all we can thank smallpox for between 300 and 500 million deaths during the 20th Century. Oh, sure you can argue that medicine today is so much more advanced that we’d be better off. Until you realize it killed 2 million people the year my parents got married. (And I’m not that old.)
What’s all that say to me? Vaccines are awesome. Oh, but I’ve gone slightly off track here. Back to the point.
Happy Thanksgiving!
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