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Believe nothing, trust no one

So, my kids went missing this week. Well, they weren’t really missing so much as I didn’t know where they were. And while I knew who they were with, I had that sick moment of thinking, “Oh God. Someone is selling my children on the black market right this minute.” All because I had a new babysitter and just like all of you, I am always worried about my kids when they aren’t in my direct line of sight (and even then, watching them pummel each other, I’m worried.). And it made me think that maybe all of you would like to know how I decide how my children are cared for when I am not with them.

The first thing is references and recommendations. Our regular sitter was on holiday this week and I needed a few hours of help. Our back-up sitter was busy but she said that her mom could come. What better recommendation could you get than Emma’s Mom? I’ve known Emma for months and have even met her husband and daughter. The girls love her and I trust her. But when I met Emma, I didn’t leave the house the first day and just made myself busy upstairs. And I had seen her background check and references from the agency that sent her. In other words, do your homework before inviting someone to take care of your little ones.
Secondly, what kind of experience does this person have? Jackie (Emma’s Mom) is a mother of 3 and has immense nanny and babysitting experience. My regular sitter didn’t have much little baby knowledge before meeting my girls but is a former nursery school teacher. Regardless of their knowledge, I keep an infant CPR DVD and a practice doll in the cupboard and force people to watch it twice a year if they plan on feeding my kids. I’m uptight like that.
Thirdly, I have no problem “surprising” my babysitter with an unexpected appearance. I think you can get a good feel for what goes on if you pop in on someone when they don’t know you are coming. It’s not being sneaky, it’s being careful. Of course this was what happened when Jackie took the girls for a walk. I assumed they’d gone to the park when actually they’d gone the other direction for a walk around the block. When I didn’t find them, I called Jackie but her phone was in her purse and she didn’t hear it the first time. So I called Emma who called her mother who then called me. Conveniently I had left my wallet on the stroller and had an excuse for needing to find them (that didn’t make me look like a crazy over-protective Mommy). And, of course, 5 minutes later I had my wallet back (money and credit cards accounted for) and was reassured that my girls were clearly enjoying themselves. Eva even went to Jackie over me that afternoon.
And that is my final test. Pay attention to your kid. If she cries when the sitter comes in or doesn’t want to go to her, maybe that’s not the right sitter for you. Look for bruises or injuries that aren’t readily explainable. Make sure your kid has a clean face and clean butt. I think those are all good signs that someone is taking good care of your tot. My kids are pretty smart and they are rather particular about whom they will go to. I trust their judgement as much as my own on these things. That said, they might like a circus clown to babysit so my own gut feeling overrules theirs when in doubt.
Of course you are always taking a risk when you leave your child with someone else but it’s a risk most of us have to take. It’s just another one of those times as a parent that you have to hope that everything will be allright. And it usually is. So long as you trust your little Jiminy Cricket.

Dr. Lara Zibners, Sep 16, 2010

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